Those long lost things…

Haven’t been on WordPress since mid November in 2011, although, how weird is it welcoming in 2012 already eh! The year we’re all supposed to die in, somehow I don’t think it’s too likely as my horoscopes are looking quite good! I’m gonna’ make 2012 my year, finishing 2011 with a mis carriage was never the best of things, but my Mother’s quite right when she says “every cloud has a silver lining” because it truly does. Me and my Boyfriend have never been so close in our relationship as we are now, my family are the most supportive now than they’ve ever been and I think things are changing for the better! This post is slightly more irrelevant than any I’ve written before hand, but this has significance for me, not so much airing my dirty laundry in public, but nice to re read a brief summary and have a reminder of my high hopes and expectations for 2012! I’ll be back, bigger and better than before! I’m too sure..

Hate Sleeping Alone..

You know that real fresh feeling when you spend hours of your time with the same person and you don’t get sick of them? You miss them when they’re gone and want them more and more whenever you see them. You know that real fresh feeling when you have so much chemistry with that person and you blush like a 6 year old and hide your face in shame but he pulls it back and strokes it. You know that real fresh feeling where you don’t need to have sex to keep “things alive”.. You know that real fresh feeling when you get kissed like you were missed? You know that real fresh feeling where you’re moving slow but you’re used to it right now.. You know that real fresh feeling when you feel like you’re in a scene from a movie cause it’s picture perfect like a Kodak? You know that real fresh feeling when you wonder if he’s Mr. Wrong but then that feeling’s so gone when he’s reminding you you’re beautiful and chatting princess this, baby that.. Yeah, I got that real fresh feeling and it’s feeling good.

I wonder…

Sometimes, you know that funny feeling when your mind is just on the go, as if you’ve bought the whole of Star bucks and you can’t chill out, just constant thoughts flowing backwards and forwards, well sometimes, I wonder what the world would be like if we were just all purely independent people, had no-one to fall back on, had no-one to show us right from wrong, just had to use our own instincts and tell everything apart for ourselves.. Even just simple things like manners? Would we even have them? Would we even be capable of helping each other or would we be cannibals and just destroy each other?
Just one of those curiosity killed the cat format posts….

It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you

Swinging in the back yard, pull up in your fast car whistling my name, open up a beer and you say get over here and play a video game. I’m in his favourite sun dress, watching me get undressed take that body downtown. I say you the bestest, lean in for a big kiss, put his favourite perfume on and play a video game. It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you, everything I do.. I tell you all the time, heaven is a place on earth with you, tell me all the things you want to do.. I heard that you like the bad girls honey, is that true? Its better than I ever even knew. They say that the world was built for two, only worth living if somebody’s loving you. Baby now you do.
Singing in the old bar, swinging with the old stars living for the fame, kissing in the blue dark playing pool and wild darts.. Video game.. He holds me in his big arms, drunk and I am seeing stars, this is all I think of; watching all our friends fall in and out of Old Paul’s; this is my idea of fun, playing video games.. It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you, everything I do. I tell you all the time. Heaven is a place on earth with you, tell me all the things you want to do..

Lana Del Ray – Video Games
This song is just so special, from it’s lyrics, to it’s depictive verses, it’s just beautiful, and so memorable! Memorable enough to write all that!

I’ve got my new shoes on and suddenly everything is right..

This week has really made me realise, I want to make my own world, and to do so I have to work for it. I’ve worked 5 doubles back to back and only had 1 day off, and today I feel amazing, in 50 years I want to look back and say “I bought myself that, I got that for me” no-one else, just me! Gifts are nice but not half as nice as being able to say you gave yourself everything you have to this day.. Not only that but my sleeve’s being completed on Thursday, I can legally drive in 2 months, I can afford it, I’m sending off for my passport and we’re moving. I have everything I need, and this year, I gave it to myself. Just me, not you.

Those times

Those times when you’re down in the dumps, those times when no-one can saying anything right, those times when no matter how well you get on with someone now – you picture the past and what they’ve done and they instantly do wrong again, those times when no-one I mean no-one understands how low you are mentally even if they pretend they’ve been there (chances are they haven’t they just want to check your arsehole out).. Those times when you feel so self-destructive you don’t want anyone, those times you want to be on your own to reassure yourself you’re all you need, those times everyone experiences differently but tells each other about, those times you wish you could up and fly away, those times you hate the people you’re supposed to love “no matter what”, those times you worry you’ve lost everything, those times you turn to someone you’d never imagine but they suddenly become so perfect, those times all you want is a hug but your pride says don’t speak to them, those times, are these times

Responsibility

I’m always so baffled when things happen and people are more than happy to place the blame on the first person that springs to mind.. For instance, the incident that occurs could be either minor or major, it wouldn’t matter, but yet the person responsible for their own action seems to suddenly lose their balls the first instance someone says “why the hell did you do that?” – they then say, “so and so made me do it“.. Well actually, unless that person took control of your entire body and did whatever it was you did, NO they didn’t have ONE single part to play in it. If you can cause the incident you can learn to take responsibility.

Crucifying yourself..

That feeling when something is so wrong, and you know if were on the other side of the glass looking in you would think to yourself what the flip but you still carry on? And as time goes on you slowly self destruct, become emotional, become emotionally and mentally attached to that one thing and then you mentally get yourself together, bring yourself to reality, and then.. You crumble. Like a jenga tower that destabalises the higher it gets? I’m there.

Capturing those memories, that last forever

My phone is horrendously incredible, it’s almost jaw dropping how much I can store on my Blackberry and how I’ve made the most out of it.. My Father’s gone away to France, and he’s been texting me the odd picture here and there via SMS, and my Blackberry resized and re-framed those pictures. I just went to upload them to my Mums’ computer so she could post then on Facebook (wastebook) to show all his and her friends how everyone’s doing out there.. And then I got to looking through my album, some of the pictures I still have on my phone have so many memories within them it’s unreal. Don’t you love it when you forget about your favourite pictures and then all of a sudden you briefly go through them and you find this one picture that means the world to you, and you stop and reminisce through the whole album picture by picture, and I’m about to sit and write a caption for every picture, and then tell my Mum the story behind it.. Today, is a beautifulday.

One of those forever moments

Mixed Messages

Don’t you hate it, when you know something is so wrong but yet it feels so right? Started spending time with someone again and it just feels amazing, constant laughter, constant smiling, just everything you need to make every day worth while.. But knowing its not yours, is ridiculous, and knowing you can take it away from someone and make it your own is starting to feel even worse? I want it to be permanent, and I want it to be mine, but I can’t take it from someone else knowing they want it as much as I do. What do I do? 😦 brings me back to, Lil Wayne – How To Love…